JOTOS....Thinking Back Thursday

So, have you ever just sat down and thought, I mean really think back, to times gone by? 

I do it all the time! 

The other day in fact, I was remembering pranks I used to play on my sister with my little brother (sorry Devan 😁) 

Then I thought back to my first crush, the first time I said "I love you" to someone, the first time I met my husband, etc. 

So many happy memories! Obviously there are going to be some not-so-happy ones too, but we won't discuss those now;) 

Those sweet memories made me think even more ... 

Remember that time when being at church meant more than just being somewhere? Remember the time when you were so excited to get that phone call that you were needed to help out with an event? What about that time when you were asked to substitute in Sunday School the first time? 

Remember when you didn't have to remember those feelings? 

I don't want to lose the excitement about church, teaching others, and ministering! That "cloud nine" sense of accomplishment that I felt after every lesson had been taught. Am I so busy that I've forgotten what it feels like to give of myself? Has it just become routine, habit? 

Whew... Lord, help me!

I've done some serious thinking over the past few days. Yes, everyone needs a break. I understand that. But what we need to understand is that serving God should never be a burden! I love to work for His kingdom sake. Do I get tired? Oh yeah. Burnt out? Lots! But will I ever give up? Never. God has been so good to me!

So, remember that time you decided to keep on pushing? Remember the time you thought back to all the blessings God has given you? What about the time you accomplished greater things than you ever imagined? 

Oh yeah, that was today. That, was now. 

Happy Thursday! 

JOTOS.... Thinking About... Thursday

When I get in the car to go somewhere, most of the time I do not turn on any music, which, for me is a big deal considering how much I love music. I just feel like I have more time to think and process things in my mind in the quiet as I drive. There are times however, that I can't stand to think any more so I turn the radio up as loud as I can stand in and sing along to drown out those thoughts...

Today was a music day.

I won't bore you with what I was thinking about... trust me, you don't need to be exposed to the chaos that is my thinking tank. (You're welcome) I couldn't get my brain to stop!

Do you ever feel like you just can't tune out all the chaos in your life? While all those thoughts were swarming about, I reached down for the dial and turned up the melody that was playing.

"Oh great, a commercial... wait, I know that song..." 

All of a sudden all those thoughts that were clouding my head went away as I began to sing "Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY who was and is, and is to come..."

Worship, true worship, seems to have a way of making us forget about our problems we're facing and focus on what matters. There aren't enough thoughts to drown out the sound of your heart crying out to God. We were created to praise and worship HIM! I smiled as I realized that suddenly, all of the things that were bothering me, weren't bothering me anymore. God has a way of changing our perspective on things.

So today, anytime I start to feel weighed down by all the thoughts in my head... I'm gonna choose to worship instead. (Hey, that rhymes! :) )

Have a wonderful day!

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JOTOS.... It Is Well

This post is going to be very transparent. I'm warning you now before you start to think "Wow, this is very personal". I fully understand just how real I am being... God has been telling me to "just be honest" for a while now. I have fought it, questioned it, now I am embracing it.

Here we go...

Most all of my friends know that I struggle with hormone fluctuations in my body and have a difficult time staying healthy because of it. What some may not know is that it has caused me to have 2 miscarriages... I've lost 2 children. 

Writing it and saying it out loud makes it seem so surreal... But sadly, it is a reality that I live with every day. I have joined the ranks of thousands of women who will never know the joy of those children. Some say that "time heals all wounds" but I think nothing could be more wrong. The more years, weeks and days that pass, the more I miss those special moments I should be experiencing. Please, don't take this as a complaint. Don't think I'm being a "Debbie downer", I'm just being real. 

I struggled for a long time after my first loss with resentment and bitterness. I could not comprehend how MY God could let me go through such an awful thing, and so young.  I had done nothing but stay faithful when all others walked away. I spent all my free time working at and for the church, I centered my entire life around church events, I was constantly thinking of how I could reach more people... How could this be my reward? I held that pain for a long time.

As I healed, I began to hope. Hope that soon I would be healed and be able to conceive again. The holidays came and with it came the stress of planning various events and musicals. I felt tired all the time but chalked it up to business. One night, after an exceptionally long day, I settled down for the evening and my body finally relaxed... Just long enough to lose my second baby. I was numb. I did not want to accept that what had just happened, in fact, happened... Again. 

More sorrow came... More tears... Then peace. A sweet peace that God had a greater plan. 

Several times I have been prayed for. I fully believe that God will/has been healing my body. I still have questions, I still doubt, but I have been working through it all.  In prayer a few weeks ago, something hit me. A realization I suppose. I have been asking God to touch my body and heal these hormones that are out of sync so that I can conceive. Not so that I can feel better, but so I can experience the joy that every other woman gets to experience. What am I doing? Why am I praying this. I should pray for healing. Not just for a baby. 

Then it happened... I heard Him speak to me. 

He said... 

What if I don't? Then what? Will you still trust me? 

I was overwhelmed.... 

But God, why would... How could you not? 

Again... 

Will you still trust me? 

Oh.... Lord, how selfish am I? Who am I to demand such a thing from God? How could I not have seen and realized that by continuing to plead and storm Heavens gates for a child that I was not trusting Him to do His work? I have never felt so broken in my life as I did in that moment. My whole being crumbled at the foot of the cross as I wept over my selfish heart's cry. 

As tears flowed down my face I felt it happen... Peace filled my soul. I had no words but those of an old hymn... It is well. 

It is well with my soul. If God heals me, I'll praise Him! If he doesn't, I'll praise Him! It is well with my soul. 

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our problems that we don't allow God to move on our behalf. Or like me, we don't trust him to. We demand a result from him as if He should answer to our every beck and call. When instead, He just wants us to be still and know... 

I am fighting back tears as I finish this post... I can't believe that He loves me as much as he does! I am so unworthy of such a worthy God. 

So when troubles rise... It is well. 

When sorrow comes... It is well. 

When joy comes... It is well. 

When, and if, a child ever comes... It is well. 

It is well with my soul. 

New Year, New Blog

I am so completely behind in posting this... It's almost Valentine's Day!

I hope you all have had a wonderful New Year thus far, mine has been wonderful! Let's get an update on The Strawn Family, shall we?

Noah is doing wonderful working for a Security company out of Spring, TX. He loves his job and his employers. I am so thankful for a happy husband. I, in September of 2013, also began working there part time as an Office Assistant. God has truly blessed us!

In October/November of 2013, I learned one of my very good friends was expecting a baby! I could not be more thrilled. Those that know me personally, know that "baby shopping" is one of my favorite things to do so this little one is gonna be extremely spoiled by Auntie Lindsey!

December of 2013 is a blur really... So much happiness to overshadow the tragedy of another miscarriage. In early December I experienced yet another tragic loss. Thankfully, God had his hand on me and the physical effects of the loss were minimal. No pain, just heartache. However, that heartache was quickly healed by the holiday season and the realization that God loved us enough to come to earth as a tiny baby and lived 30+ years going through everything we go through only to sacrifice himself to save us. There is NO greater love than that! My sorrow was definitely turned into joy. I am so thankful.

January of 2014 was a month of celebration! I had a birthday and my hubby and I were able to attend a life-changing conference. We also began working with the children of our home church and I received a pay increase at work. 2014 is definitely proving to be a much better year than last year and for that, I am grateful.

Now... February... the month of love. The month of history. The month of redemption. Feb 6, marked 14 years that I have been baptized in Jesus name :) 14 years of living my life for my Savior! I won't go back, can't go back, don't EVER want to go back to the way it used to be. I cannot imagine how life would be without a personal relationship with The Lord.

God is so good to me, I can't complain. 

Hopefully this year I will stick to this a little better and bring to you uplifting and inspiring blog posts. It is my goal to be real, fun, and inspiring this year:)

Have a great Monday!

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