JOTOS.... Things to Know About Me Thursday

Ahhhh it's almost Friday! Are you looking forward to your weekend? I know I am.

A few blogs ago, I posted a comment about my health. Well, since I never explained what all is going on, I will do so in this blog today.

Now, before I go any further, let me preface this by saying this is probably not the best post for men to read. So, if you're a male and reading this, here's your last warning... the following is probably not something you would want to read. Last chance! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED! :)

Back in  late April / early May, I had a few changes in my body. At the time, I had no idea what was going on and chalked it up to an imbalance in my hormones. (Which I have struggled with since I was 14 or so) Then, the totally unexpected and the most awful thing happend.... I had a miscarriage. I did not know I was pregnant. I had taken tests and all results were negative. I, even though I had not known, was devastated. No, I didnt really need a baby right then... No, I wasn't ready to truly be a mother quite yet... still, the knowledge that I had lost a child left me broken. To top off the cruelness of it all... it happened a week before Mother's Day. As you can probably imagine, Mother's Day was extremely hard for me. I ended up excusing myself from the Mother's Day presentation that I CREATED during our church service that morning so I could go get a grip on my emotions. I ran to the nearest room, closed the door, and sobbed quietly. No one really knew at this point... just my husband, my parents, and a few close friends. I felt alone. I felt defeated. I felt... broken. The news broke slowly among my other friends and family and the pain worsened with comments like "Oh, don't worry over it too much. You're too young to be a mom right now anyway." or "You've got your whole life ahead of you and plenty of time for more children." and my absolute favorite "Well, just think of all the money you can save now by not having to pay for a baby. You can enjoy going out with your husband and just being a couple." People's words hurt more than anything. I was screaming on the inside begging them to just shut up. They had no idea what I was feeling. They looked past the pain in my eyes and just threw out their words without any regards of what I was dealing with. Did they really mean to harm me? Probably not. When you're going through that though... you just need a shoulder to cry on. No words. Just to be held.

It took me a while to get over the loss I had experienced. Especially when I learned of my 2 dear cousins who had just found out they were expecting. My due date would've been right with theirs. Another round of tears came. There was seemingly no end to this long dark road I was walking. Eventually, I found myself able to be happy for them. I realized that God indeed had a plan that was bigger than I could even think. Still, I longed for my lost baby, my child that I would never have the chance to hold, or even name.

A few months passed and I managed to only experience a few breakdowns. I had busied myself with things at the church, my family, and my friends to keep my mind off of things. It's how I was able to maintain a level of sanity. I was having some pains in my abdomen and lower back more and more frequently. Other symptoms had flared up and left me feeling sluggish, sick, and frustrated. So... off to the doctor I went. When I got there, she had be do a full hormone panel. (blood work) Which, if you know me very well at all, you know I am terrified of needles, so that was a very frightening thing to do again. She told me due to my symptoms and previous problems I've had, she was 75 - 90% sure I had PCOS. (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Where cysts develop on the ovaries and your body produces too much androgens and not enough insulin) I had googled my symptoms and come to that conclusion on my own... years ago. I just never did anything about it. (I know, I know, shame on me)
She then rushed me down to the Hospital for some ultasounds to see how extensive this was and what was causing the problem I was currently having. 6 hours later, I was home and thouroughly exhausted.

My results came back a little abnormal and I got put on a medication to help the PCOS. I will go back in a few weeks to a gynecologist to figure out what else can be done to fix the problem.

Other than that, I have to go on a low-fat diet due to my cholesterol being high. So, no more sonic for me :(

I know that God is able to heal everything going on with me right now. While I'm waiting for that healing, I'll continue to serve Him! He has the power and He has a plan! :)

Alright... enough about me this week... tomorrow I will give you all an update on how Grandma is doing and our funny adventures thus far with her!

Have a happy Thursday!

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